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Health & Fitness

No Time Outs For Two Year Olds!

Blog | The Mommy Advisor


Posted by Sue Mandel, Ph.D, LMFT, June 28, 2013 at 01:37 am

Are you fighting with your two year old, chasing him around in an angry and frustrated attempt to make him sit still so he can “think about” his bad behavior? Developmentally, it is a ridiculous notion perpetuated by bad parenting advice. Yet there are those who suggest you have your two year old “reflect” on  hitting, biting, or not listening.  Now, it’s your turn. DON’T LISTEN.

Let’s establish what we know from scientific research in neuroscience and early childhood development:
  1. Two year olds can’t “think” about their behavior.

  2. Two year olds have not established “impulse control”, and therefore are still acting on the urges within them.

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  • It’s a time of testing limits, wanting control, and striving for mastery over his body and environment.

  • Language development has begun long ago, but while your two year old understands much of what you’re saying, she is struggling to put words to her feelings, hurts, and needs. When her feelings are intense it doesn’t take much for her to spiral out of control. Your child needs your empathy, support, and appropriate limits to help her make sense of her world; learn the language of feelings; and contain anxieties.  

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  • Your toddler is bouncing between two profound developmental needs at the same time: to return to your outstretched, welcoming arms for calming and soothing when her new world and big emotions get overwhelming; AND at the same time establishing independence and expressing a mind of her own.

  • As your baby develops into toddlerhood, new responses are required to help him grow into a loving, empathetic, cooperative human being. In my blog entitled Could “No!” Be Music To Your Ears?, I give real life examples of dealing positively with tantrums in ways that honor feelings, and generate respect and cooperation. Striving for independence is one of the most significant milestones for your child’s ongoing mental, physical, and cognitive well-being.

    More Alternatives To Time Outs coming soon. Visit Dr. Sue, The Mommy Advisor at FirstAttachments.com.


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